Broken Hearts and Shattered Dreams
by Taya24
Summary: post-memorial day. Josh struggles with his feelings for Donna and the possibility of losing her.


Title: Broken Hearts and Shattered Dreams  
  
Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Aaron Sorkin, John Wells, and Thomas Shlammee.  
  
Spoilers: Up to Memorial Day  
  
Archive: Sure...just tell me where.  
  
Author's note: This is my first West Wing fic. Any comments would be very helpful. Enjoy...  
  
Josh was so angry that he was about to explode. He didn't understand how this could happen. He had just talked to her a few minutes earlier. She was fine! They were joking around! And now she was lying on a table being operated on. She was so still. So pale.  
  
He'd stood, watching them operate on Donna for nearly two hours. Watching her seemingly lifeless body just made him angrier and angrier. He hated the people who did this to her. He hated the doctors for not preventing this. He hated himself for sending her to Gaza. And he hated God for allowing any of this to happen.  
  
Josh half-expected a lightning bolt to strike him down when he came storming through the doors of the church.  
  
"Why her? Huh? Why Donna?!" he screamed. "What, my sister and my dad weren't enough for you, you've gotta take her too?!"  
  
There was no one else in the church at the time, but it wouldn't have mattered to Josh even if there was.  
  
"I don't understand how you can do this to her. She is the kindest, warmest, most giving person that I've ever known, and she doesn't-"  
  
The tears gave way as Josh's voice cracked.  
  
"-deserve this. She doesn't....she doesn't deserve any of this."  
  
Josh wiped his eyes and began to walk away, before turning back. He took a seat in a pew as a look of realization crossed his face.  
  
"This isn't about her, is it?" he asked. "It's about me."  
  
Josh suddenly remembered the promise he had made on the plane from D.C..  
  
Flashback  
  
Josh leaned his head back against his seat and closed his eyes.  
  
"God, please," he silently prayed. "...please let her be okay. I swear to you, if she makes it through this, I'll tell her everything. I'll tell her that I think she is the most beautiful woman that I've ever laid eyes on. I'll tell her that I can't go on without her. I'll tell her that I love every single thing about her: The way that she always knows what I need even before I do. The way she gets worked up over the smallest things. The way she quotes movies in an attempt to inspire me. The way she does inspire me without really trying. The way she puts me in my place. The way she can make a bad day better just by smiling. I'll tell her everything. Just, please...let her be okay."  
  
End of Flashback  
  
Josh had planned on telling Donna all of that; as soon as she woke up. But when she woke up she was still groggy from the morphine. And than Colin showed up, and that really didn't seem like the best time to tell her. He was going to tell her though. As soon as Colin left. He was. He had flowers and everything. But when he got back to her room...  
  
"I was going to tell her." Josh said, his voice barely above a whisper. He was trying to convince God, but really, he was trying to convince himself. He had walked to her room, roses in hand, fully intending to bear is soul, but deep down he knew it would have never happened.  
  
He would start to confess his love for her, but then his brain would kick in and he'd tell himself what a bad idea it was and that the two of them had a good thing going, why complicate it.  
  
It wasn't until now, with Donna lying in there fighting for her life, and Josh fighting to find the meaning in his, that he realized the simple truth that had been starring him in the face all along. He was in love with Donna, and he wanted to be with her. Sure, he could go on living his life like he had for the past 6 ½ years, perfectly satisfied with what he had. But why would he, when he could have everything that he'd ever dreamed of by simply telling the truth?  
  
Josh knew exactly what he needed to do. He got up and ran out of the church, without making any promises or any vows...he didn't need to. Nothing was going to stop him from letting Donna know how he felt.  
  
Donna came out of her surgery just fine, but waiting for her to wake up was just as agonizing for Josh. He didn't want to wait a second longer; he didn't want to take anymore chances.  
  
Josh sat beside Donna's bed for what seemed like forever, struggling to stay awake, before he finally went to get a cup of coffee. He sat drinking it in the waiting room, when he saw Donna's doctor approaching him. He sprang up and ran over to meet him.  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?" Josh asked, worriedly.  
  
"Nothing...everything's fine." The doctor said, reassuringly. "I just wanted to let you know that Ms. Moss is awake, and she's asking for you."  
  
Josh let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"Thank God. Okay...thanks." He said, as he started running towards Donna's room.  
  
As he entered the room he couldn't help but smile at the sight of Donna awake and sitting up in her bed. He was so thankful that she was okay.  
  
"Hey...how ya doin'?" he asked, as he sat down in the chair beside her bed.  
  
"Are you okay?" Donna asked him with worry in her voice.  
  
Josh looked at her, confused.  
  
"Yeah....yeah, I'm fine, Donna. Why-"  
  
"Because they told me when I woke up that I'd developed a pulmonary embolism, and with your dad and everything I didn't know how you'd...but you're okay?"  
  
Josh smiled at her.  
  
"Yeah...I'm fine." He told her. "I'm just glad you're okay."  
  
"Okay...it's now or never." Josh thought to himself.  
  
"Donna, there's something I need to-"  
  
"You haven't heard from Colin, have you?" She asked, causing Josh's smile to fade.  
  
"No...no, I haven't."  
  
"I really hope he stops back by here. I really like him, Josh. I think he could be the one." She said, smiling.  
  
"Yeah...." Josh felt his heart sink.  
  
"I'm sorry, were you going to say something?"  
  
Josh looked at Donna, and then down at his hands.  
  
"Nevermind...it wasn't important."  
  
The End 


End file.
